Maybe I do too much....i rarely take a day off just for me....so i tried to take off 24 hours from 5pm Saturday to 5pm today (Sunday) to just do stuff fun for me. I wanted to watch a show with John, have brunch, maybe lounge around the house some, go to the mall and maybe even buy S and Gabe something (early xmas?) but the more i tried to turn my mind *off* from work, and school and adoption stuff the more i just felt uneasy. I am just so anxious about money and grades and work and the house...and how much could this stress out my marriage. We aren't having any issues, so don't get worried, i just know that at some point its gotta give. Not to mention the 12 pounds if have gained....well maybe like 10....it WAS 20+ but i have lost 10....whew....but still.
I still am too scared about trying to take off next year, like i wanted to. I want more time with my boys and doggies and for school work towards my doctorate....but i fear the lack of $ will stress me out more than the lack of time with family will stress me out should I work.... its a catch 22.
Maybe I will get an adjunct position or PT at the university- thats what I am hoping for....so i will have some money coming in.
There is also a possibility, actually a pretty good one, that john will be getting a promotion/raise- but not until after the first of the year. That would be so amazing...and i hope he will like his job/new responsibilities more.
So i tried to take time for me...wandered around the mall...that just makes me more annoyed and frustrated- with all the crowds. But i did go to the newish Bareminerals store and get my face done and get a starter kit. I have always wanted to get their line- I already get the knock off stuff at Target (probably just as good?) But i had a little promo card for $10 off the starter kit....still $55 is expensive...but i did get new brushes, and can use all three products for foundation, concealer and bronzer/blush.
Yet here it is, not even 5pm (remember it was supposed to be 24 hours for ME) I am at Panera Bread grading papers- which very much need to be done. Tomorrow i will have my intern and TA help me with more grading and catch up with all that....i am not too far backed up. I think i will feel less anxious when we get Johns $ from his 401K (we are borrowing a little from that) and we get an update on S.
Actually making the trips to Ethiopia and finally having him here just feels so far removed from reality- that its upsetting me. It just feels like we have so far to go and we are stuck in neutral.