hows attachment going- and who is that girl giving everyone hugs?

So school has begun and other than not liking to be woken up in the morning at all (grumpiest ever) Kidist is having lots of fun with school. Sam is doing really well too- he is an early rise. Gabe is making a somewhat difficult transition into the world of personal responsibility. At his old school the teachers aide would literally put all the homework worksheets/reading in each and every child's binder for them...like open it up and do it all ...and go around and check behind if they forgot. Not so ith three different teachers, plus electives here in the 4th grade. Gabe is forgetting things left and right- then having major freak outs and looking for someone to blame. So we have had several talks about being personally responsible and just trying to remember "hey do I have everything I need? If not, what do I need to do?" I had him say that question this morning, outloud, on the way to the car for a fencing work shop...we realized a day long fencing workshop DID need a lunch and his fencing bag....all which Gabe left in the house. He then gets uber frustrated and stomps around when he has to go back and get something....wooooweeee buddy- this is your deal now.
Anyhow. I wanted to touch on attachment with K because we are now starting to see some behaviors that make me worry a little. I am with her much of the time, i am the limit setter, the referee with the brother, the buyer of most things, the consequence giver (mainly to Sam but she sees it), and the driver to school and doctors. So i seem to be more authoritarian in her eyes and likely less of a "friend". K has always been a hugger, and up to a few weeks ago she would hug me all the time too. That has ceased to be the case unless i approach her. However we will spend an extra three minutes at the end of each day for her to hug teachers, Sams K5 aide, the assistant principal and even the secretary each day. She jumps into Johns arms at the end of the day and asks him to carry her around (which is a good sign and likely something she needs)- However she gets bitter with me when i have her take her plates to the sink, require she keep her bedroom door open, and . She also loves to go every where at church, running from room to room for hugs, but when i need her to sit in one area so our church meeting/ orientation can take place- she glares at me with such a pissed off attitude. So i am not sure what to do. I know i should likely look for more times to just have fun and be her friend instead of being more authoritarian mommy....so i am looking for opportunities/ideas for that - which can accompany an often whiney and impulsive 5 year old