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Monday, June 13, 2011

not religious- but it wears on me

so ...i am not an overly religious person. I meditate alot, go to yoga and tai chi classes and attend a Unitarian Universalist congregation...but i am not a typical traditional (and i mean Christian) religious person. In fact the act of prayer makes me feel odd...and its not a lack of belief in a higher power...its a feeling of selfishness. Let me explain,  i am a news junkie and a cultural junkie...i read and listen and watch the news and read, listen and watch media on other countries. I acknowledge that i am in a position of privilege compared to a great deal of the world. I have a stable house, good job, very good education, my health, the ability to choose how to live, a safe country....i have so much. When i try and pray for something, even if has to do with bringing home my beautiful little boy from Ethiopia, i tend to feel selfish and like i should not be asking for anything more. I have so much already.....i long for him to be home, totally believe that we are able to give him a life like he never would have been able to have...but its hard for me to pray for things for myself. I think it has helped that in my mind i can pray for S....i am praying for him to be united and taken home by his family (which just happens to be us)....after seeing the suffering in this world; and mind you, my view has been limited, i find it difficult to pray for anything. If anything were to be "given" to me as a result of a prayer, i would even feel a since of confusion; please award this "answer to a prayer" to someone who really is in need.